[Note to the grammar police: I know that the sign in the image should say "You're Fired." I don't care - I like the photo.]

One of the benefits that comes from writing about entrepreneurship is hearing from people who are making it happen. Some of the best stories are those where a person got laid off or fired and then, instead of going out and getting a J-O-B, they started their own business.

They usually have a twinkle in their eyes when they recount the story. They refer to a “weight being lifted” from their shoulders. They feel like they’ve “come alive.” Most say they make more money now then when they were back at their corporate gigs.

One of the most popular posts on this blog is from my friend Amber Khan who has one of those success stories.

Why Wait to be Fired?

Then I got to thinking. Why do so many people wait until they’re fired or laid off before they launch their own business? Why didn’t they quit that job they hated and fire their boss?

I know that fear is an obvious answer. But I think it’s more than that. Some people just don’t know how to quit. To them, quitting seems overwhelming because they’ve not taken the steps to be ready for it.

You Should Quit At Least Once in Your Life

Unless you’re one of those rare few who’ve never had a job (I’m looking at you, Chris Guillabeau), you’ve likely found yourself in some miserable position that sucks the life out you like a teenage vampire named Edward. Maybe you’re there right now.

I found myself there a few times. Too often though, I tried to stick it out. I rationalized that things would “get better when _______________.” Unfortunately, “when” never came.

The reality is that even if it did get better, it will never become great. You make the mistake that better than crappy is good enough since it’s an improvement. You settle.

Don’t ever settle. Why?

Quitting Can Make You Happier and Wealthier

This may surprise you, but unhappy people generally have less fun and make less money. Let that sink in.

Happiness and wealth don’t follow miserable people around begging for a chance to sulk with them. They actually don’t follow people around. Happiness and wealth have to be pursued.

It’s difficult to pursue happiness and wealth when you make a habit of settling for crappy positions that you hope will improve.

3 Steps to Firing Your Boss

So what do you need to do to fire your boss so that you can pursue something that fulfills you? Here’s a quick-start guide:

Step 1: Prepare

Prepare for the change in income. If you’re going to open that consultancy you’ve been dreaming about or start that home-based business, find ways to lay the groundwork before you quit.

When you’re laid off, you often don’t have this luxury. However, those who are gainfully (even if miserably) employed can do some initial prep-work before launching full time. Here are some recommendations to get you started:

Start the Business on Your Nights, Weekends and Lunch Breaks
Tell everyone you know (that can’t get you fired) what you’re doing. Get some initial clients and work out those startup kinks. This is a great way to test the waters and find out if you even like the work.

You’ll hear some people talk about trying to get their side business income to the level of their current position before they quit. While this is a fine goal, don’t be surprised if it proves to be more difficult than you planned. Time and energy are finite and certain businesses can only grow so large with part-time effort.

If you find that your nights, weekends, and lunch breaks have you to 40-50% of your salary, it may be time to quit. Ask yourself if you think a full-time focus on your business could get you up near (or above) 100% in a month or two.

Get Out of Debt and Build Up Your Savings

“Opening a business with debt is like trying to run a marathon with a loaded backpack on.” – Dave Ramsey

If you want to be successful at running your own business, you must learn to say “no” to yourself. Debt comes from saying “yes” too often. Climbing out of debt will give you the discipline you need to run a business on a budget.

Also, make sure you can survive through those lean months with a nice cushion built up in savings. Dave Ramsey recommends 3-6 months and I agree with him.

Step 2: Uncover Your Passion

Part of the reason we end up in positions we hate is because we chase money rather than pursue our passion. Money is important – but it’s not the only thing that should determine what you do with your life.

Use this foundation-laying time to discover what makes you come alive. What are your interests? Which activities do you participate in that cause time to fly at work?

There are great resources that can help you get started. I recommend the StrengthsFinder series along with Dan Miller’s book 48 Days to the Work You Love. They will get you thinking differently about your career path.

Step 3: Pull the Trigger (In a Non-Postal Way)

If you’ve taken the two steps above, you’re ready to pull the trigger. Here’s a tip: try not to burn bridges. I’ve watched people quit in over-the-top fashion just because they could.

Sure, it may make you an internet celebrity for a week, but remember that your reputation as a person of character is much more important. No matter how bad it was at the company, be gracious and look for win-win opportunities.

You’re about to leave them with a void in their team and this can be an opportunity for you. I was able to contract back to previous employers for varying lengths which helped smooth transitions for me financially.

Share Your Thoughts

If you’ve ever quit a job that sucked the life out of you, how did you feel after you made the decision? What tips would you offer to those who are thinking of doing the same?

If you’re stuck in a rut or a job you don’t love, what steps are you having the most difficulty with? Why are you staying put?

I’d love to get your thoughts below.

Photo credit: maisonbisson

“Hey, you’re the same age as Jesus was when he died!”

Yesterday was my 33rd birthday and the person who said that to me got me thinking about what turning “Jesus’ age” means.

No, there’s no mid-life crisis and I haven’t raced out to buy a convertible Corvette. But it’s sometimes good to think about what we’ve learned over the course of a lifetime.

I like to think about what I would tell myself if I could travel back in time to when I was in my early 20’s. Here are three lessons I would give myself.

Lesson #1: Bad Goals Are Always Disguised as Good Goals

If you set a goal for your life, you generally do so with the best of intentions. But good intentions don’t always lead to good goals. In fact, they can lead to just the opposite.

When I was in my early 20’s, I set a goal for myself that I would be a millionaire by 30. On the surface, this sounds like a good goal. After all, doing so would require me to work hard, make smart decisions with our money, live below our means, and to do all of the other things becoming a millionaire requires.

So what’s bad about this goal?

• It puts the emphasis on the wrong side of the equation. Because my focus was on the money, I ended up making bad decisions during that period of my life.
• I chose a career based on money rather than passion. I hated so much of my 20’s because I dreaded going to work each day. I was burning out very quickly.
• I became a workaholic. I spent too many years working 80+ hours each week. I neglected my wife Lisa, our family, and our friendships. As a result, I nearly lost my marriage.
• I didn’t take care of my health. By the time I was 26, my cholesterol was 351 (very bad), I was overweight, and I developed shingles due to stress. The final straw was when (at 31) I developed a severe case of vasculitis.

So how can you ensure that your goals are actually good for you? You evaluate the underlying assumptions.

I assumed that becoming a millionaire by 30 would make my life better than doing it by 35, 40 or even 50. Becoming a millionaire is a fine goal. However, the minute I put the “by 30” timeframe on it, I forced myself to make short-term sacrifices that would harm me in the long-run.

What good is being a 30-year-old millionaire if you’re overweight, burnt-out, and divorced?

If your goals require you to sacrifice things that you know are good for something you think might be good, it’s a bad goal.

Lesson #2: Life Moves Quickly, But This Isn’t a Race
When I was 6, Christmas took forever to roll around. A week was like a month. Now, I look up and it’s the end of August. It seems like just yesterday that I was freezing my butt off in January.

I know I sound like an old fart with this one, but I don’t care. It’s true. The more life advances, the more quickly it moves.

This can lead to the feeling that we need to hurry up: “Time is running out and I need to get a move on with my goals and my plans and my future. After all, look at the Jones’ over there – they already have 2.5 kids, a BMW, and a 5 bedroom house mortgage.”

The feeling like you’re in a race against time with your life is based on the assumption that certain things are “supposed to happen” at certain times.

• I should be married by 28
• I should own a home by 30
• I should have 2 kids by 35
• My 30s are my “earning years”
• I want to retire by 50

And on it goes. But all of those make false assumptions of how life should work that aren’t based in anything other than tradition and the expectations of others.

This isn’t to say that you should lazily meander through life. On the contrary, you need to set goals and pursue your dreams.

But, if you race through life always trying to get to the next level, you’re going to wake up one day and realize that it was all in vain and you won’t be able to get any of the time back. And that’s what you’ll get if you chase arbitrary, cultural targets.

Generally, our biggest regrets in life don’t come from doing things we shouldn’t have done. They come from not doing the things we know we should have.

Lesson #3: Never Settle

Too many people settle for a mediocre existence rather than pursue a meaningful life.

How do I know? Because the average American watches 4 hours of TV per day. If you’re settling for a life of mediocre existence, you will find ways to distract yourself from that awful feeling deep down inside of you that your life lacks true meaning and purpose. You will want to disconnect from the “real world.”

Instead of pursing our passions, we watch reality shows like American Idol and So You Think You Can Dance where we can sit on the sidelines of life and live vicariously through others who are doing what we’re afraid to.

If you only learn one thing before you turn 33, please learn this one: never settle. Never stop dreaming.

I’ve found my meaning through my faith, my family, my friends and my pursuit of my passion.

Share Your Lessons

If you could travel back in time, what lessons would you give to yourself?

There are a lot of people who talk about “one day” owning their own business. Yet, very few people actually end up even trying it. Why?

Usually it’s because they’ve chosen to believe one or more lies about starting a business. There are 7 common lies that people are telling themselves right now that will keep them from changing their dream of entrepreneurship into a set of goals they can accomplish.

Lie #1 – It’s Too Risky In Today’s Economy

Without a doubt, our current economic situation sucks. However, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t start a business. In fact, starting a business during an economic downturn may be one of the best things you can do.

Why?

• Your job is likely not as safe as you think it is. After all, layoffs increase during times of economic uncertainty. Right? Why not put yourself in the driver’s seat rather than depend on someone else for a paycheck?
• It will force you to prioritize your spending. If you can operate a profitable business in an economic downturn, you can do it during times of economic boom.
• Competition decreases during crappy economic times. It’s sad but true. A lot of companies go out of business in a downturn. Regardless of the reason, this creates opportunity for someone who is talented and willing to work hard to take on clients from failing companies.
• It’s cheaper to start a business during a downturn. With so many businesses going under right now, it’s a great time to pick up needed items at an auction or on Craigslist. You can also negotiate better deals with potential vendors right now.

Here’s a fun fact: roughly half of the Dow Jones 30 were started during a recession. Now may be a great time to start that business you’ve been talking about.

Lie #2 – I Don’t Have Enough Time

How was last night’s episode of Gossip Girl? How insane was that Yankees game? OMG…did you see the preview for the next episode of Glee?

• The average American watches nearly 4 hours of TV per day.
• 49% of Americans say they watch too much TV.
• 98% of households in the US have at least 1 TV.
• 34% have 2.

You have the time. You just have to claim it from the other distractions in your life. If TV isn’t the problem, you may be working too many hours for someone else doing something you hate. This was my problem for too many years. I made a lot of money doing work I didn’t enjoy so that I could buy stuff I didn’t need.

Lie #3 – I Can’t Afford To Quit My Job

Who said you have to quit your job to start a business? Most businesses are started during nights and weekends. Feel like you don’t have enough time on nights and weekends? See Lie #2 above.

Oftentimes, it’s not an income problem that people have – it’s a spending problem. Their cost of living has risen to – or more likely above- their income.

So how can you prepare for being able to quit your job? Here are some things you can do to get ready:

• Save up 6 months of living expenses in a money market account.
• Create a budget for both the business and your household. Figure out how much money your business will need to make in order for you to survive.
• Get out of debt and stay out of debt. It’s a lot easier to start a business if you don’t have to worry about creditors knocking down your door.
• Practice living on less before you have to start living on less. It’s a habit you have to learn. There is not magic “live within my means” pill.

Lie #4 – It Takes Too Much Money To Start a Business

There are a lot of businesses that can be started on less than $1,000, $5,000 or even $10,000 dollars. You just have to start thinking differently about how you’re going to do it.

First, start small and then scale up. You don’t need to go lease a storefront just because you want to own “the best hotdog joint in town.” Instead, start by renting a cart and setting up shop on a busy street in the financial district downtown. Try out different recipes while minimizing exposure. Figure out if people even like your hotdogs.

Then, if things are going well, begin planning for expansion into a bigger market. Figure out how much money it will take to purchase your own cart. Start saving to buy one without financing it. Once you own your own cart, begin socking money away to buy another cart (in cash) and hire an employee to run it. Keep up this process until you own enough carts that you’re making enough money to open your storefront without going into debt.

Too many people use borrowed money such as credit cards, home equity, and personal loans to finance the opening and/or growth of their business. This is stupid. Figure out how to start smaller with less exposure and risk. It will keep you making smarter decisions because you won’t be able to buy things you can’t afford.

Lie #5 – I Don’t Know Anything About Running a Business

Neither do a lot of people when they start a business and it shouldn’t stop you from starting one.

Don’t get me wrong – you need to learn about running a business. But there are a lot of free or low-cost resources available to you:

• Ask friends and family who have started a business to act as advisors and mentors.
• Contact SCORE. They offer free small business advice and mentoring in-person and online.
• Visit your local library and become and avid reader of business books.
• Find and read blogs on business development, sales, marketing, freelancing, etc.

If you’re starting small and part-time as I suggest, you’ll have time to learn about running a business as you do it. It will take a lot of the pressure off of having to know it all up-front.

Lie #6 – I’ll Go Out on My Own When …

…my kids are out of the house.
…I retire.
…I blah, blah, blah.

No. You most likely won’t. Excuses like these are generally made out of fear. Starting a business can be a frightening thought. So rather than admit the fear and confront it, people mask it behind “sensible” statements such as these. They tell themselves that it would be unwise to do it right now.

These statements meet two needs:

• We don’t want to admit we’re scared, so we tell ourselves and others that we’re going to do it…just…down the road. It keeps the dream alive – even if only on life support.
• It makes us sound reasonable in our fear. After all, who doesn’t want to sound reasonable? Nobody wants to be seen as rash or foolish. This type of excuse enables us to lie to ourselves and others while maintaining a bit of self-respect.

Lie #7 – I Don’t Know What Kind of Business to Start

I think that most people have an idea of what kind of business they would start, they just don’t want to admit it in any other capacity than as a fantasy.

What do I mean by that?

Have you ever played the game with friends where you answer the question “What would you do if money weren’t an object?” Of course. We’ve all done it. And it’s fun because it’s “safe.” It’s all fantasy because, of course, money is an object. So we talk about our fantasy of starting our own sports memorabilia store, wedding photography business, bakery, PR agency, non-profit, etc.

The problem is that when we relegate our passions to the world of fantasy, we no longer see them as potentially viable businesses. We assume that something we’re passionate about can’t possibly make money. It just seems too good to be true that we could actually do something we love and provide for our families.

If you know how to answer that question in a cocktail party setting, then you know what kind of business to start. Now, granted, the business may take on a different form than in your money-is-no-object fantasy. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take the above steps to make it happen.

Share Your Thoughts

Are any of these lies stopping you from starting a business?

If you’ve already started your business, which lie did you struggle with the most? Should I have added additional lies to the list?

I’d love to hear your experiences in the comments below.

A few years ago, I had the pleasure of working with – and ultimately becoming friends with – Amber Lancour. We worked together at a company in Los Angeles and have kept in touch through email and through this blog and BadRoomie.com - a now defunct website I started with my brother (Amber’s had the craziest roomies).

Last week, Amber sent me an email with some kind words of encouragement about this blog along with her personal story about getting laid off and the forced transition to being self-employed. I was moved. So much of what she shared in that story applies to everyone who has made, is making, or has yet to make the transition to entrepreneur.

I wrote back to Amber and asked if she would let me post it here. I hope it brings you hope and encouragement in whatever stage of transition you’re in. The story has not been edited by me. It’s in the original and honest form she wrote.

If you worked/work for a company I will refer to as Y, you probably recall that date.  It was the day that the company decided to lay off a couple thousand employees.

Weeks prior to 12/10, the company announced that cuts had to be made.  The company was going to become “leaner and meaner” to survive.  I, and thousands of others, heard the announcement and cringed.  We all knew what this really meant.  There would be cuts, but the people losing their jobs would be the very people who actually did the work, who added value to the organization and who really took pride in what they produced.  The people that avoided being “cut” would be the “fat” that stuck to the very methods that were causing the company to sink in the first place.

Lo and behold, D-Day comes and our prediction comes true.  The fatty layer of the organization is letting the others go.

I will never forget it.

I walked back to my cubicle and 10 minutes later, the Director of our group says, “Amber, do you have a few minutes.”  I looked at the folder in his hands, smirked and simply said, “For you so-and-so, I have 15.”  What I really wanted to say was 1) take the damn folder and shove it up your a** 2) this is the first time you have EVER spoken to me for more than a minute and I am surprised you even know who I am and 3) do this quick so I can get out of here.

He goes into the usual wind and grind, loosely using phrases like “thank you for your contributions”, “this is not personal” and “you are well-known for your hard work”.  I just sit and I want to hit myself because I keep smiling.  It is a habit I have when I get nervous – smiling like an idiot.  To be honest, I was surprised that he even knew what I did as my manager had been taking credit for my accomplishments for some time.

So, the layoff is official.  He leads me down to HR and there I am – still smirking like a jackass.  He looks at me and says, “What’s new?”

I guess I was caught off guard because tears come to my eyes and I say, “My grandmother is dying.”

I try to hide my tears, I look up at the ceiling as it suddenly comes to my attention that instead of going back home to say “goodbye” to my grandma, I chose to stay in L.A. and work at a job I no longer have.

I muster the strength and the tears disappear.  It is only when I am with the HR person, a complete stranger that I allow myself to cry.  I can’t help it.  I feel rejected, I feel like a failure and I just want to go home.

Weeks later, my grandmother died.  I never did go home to say goodbye because I become fixated on myself – my being a failure, my being a loser and my letting everyone down.  Who was “I” if “I” was not working?  What value did I add if I was not working 60 plus hour work weeks?  What contribution did I make if I was not earning a consistent paycheck?

Unable to cope with these thoughts, I threw myself into freelancing.  I worked and I worked and I worked.  I make a paycheck. I produce some work for a few companies and I try to hold onto a definition of myself that I am really outgrowing.

I see my friends collecting their unemployment checks, some even say they are “fun-employed”, but I never take that route.  When you grow up with parents who have to work themselves to the bone to earn a meager paycheck, you learn to appreciate any work that is given to you.  You don’t complain, you do it – and you do it with a damn smile on your face.  And, I have to say – my pride is huge.  In my mind, being unemployed is associated with negative connotations.

Months roll by in 2009.  It seems like the more I try to be happy, try to make money and try to be “myself”, the more opposition I face.  Bad things happen – things that I am positive that a younger version of me could not deal with.

I lose my grandmother (someone I cherished and looked up to immensely), I give up my dream wedding, I lose an aunt, I lose an uncle, my sister in-law gets into a near fatal accident, my older brother almost dies… the list goes on and on.  Every time bad news comes, I think, “What did I do to deserve this?”

I feel sorry for myself and become depressed.  It becomes harder and harder to smile and I feel scared.  When life continually throws you hardballs, you start to think the next bad thing that happens will break me…

Yet, in between the moments of crisis, there are these positive moments.  Transitioning into 2010, I see I took those moments for granted.

My freelancing efforts resulted in my building a network of clients and that led to me realizing that I could be in business for myself.  Imagine that, me working for me.  Isn’t that something I had longed for almost all my life?  And, wasn’t I up to the challenge?

I started running.  Years ago, running a mile was unfathomable.  Just a few days ago, I ran over 8 miles and committed to running a half marathon in May.

Things no longer scare me.  Losses don’t make me anxious.  I start to know, innately, that every loss leads to a new beginning and I don’t panic, I don’t get scared – I confront nerve wrecking situations with ease and calm.

My marriage grows.  We celebrate one year of happiness and I know that if we are able to get through this past year, the rest is smooth sailing.  I thank God everyday for my husband’s existence, for his love and his belief in me.

I am surrounded by amazing people – family and friends.

And then it hits me… when my mind doesn’t dwell on the negative, I clearly see the positive.  I learn that perspective is everything and that we attract what we believe.  I write this today with the mindset that when the universe wipes things from your life, it is only making room for things that are bigger and better.

How are you likely to respond if I ask you the question “Who are you”?

“My name is Stephanie.” That’s your name. Who are you?

“I’m a project manager at Acme Design.” That’s what you do. Who are you?

Do you see where I’m going with this? Those are descriptors of you, but they tell me no more about who you are than the other project manager named Stephanie at Acme Warehouse in Toledo, Ohio.

In his book Victory Over the Darkness, author Neil Anderson posed a great question that I’m going to steal here: “Is who you are determined by what you do? Or is what you do determined by who you are?” While Anderson posed this as part of a book on Christianity, I’m going to use it a bit differently.

Let me rephrase it: Do you define yourself by the work you do (that I know so many of you hate) rather than choosing work that is an extension of who you are at your core?

Too often we let things outside of ourselves define us. We go to jobs that suck the life out of us so that we can keep up with the mortgage payment on the house we bought next to the Joneses. And when people ask us who we are, we use that miserable existence as the definition.

News Flash: The Joneses are miserable. I don’t want to keep up with them and you shouldn’t either.

I wonder how much more fulfilling life would be if we looked deep inside of ourselves and asked the question “Who am I?” then followed it up with “And what would I be great at?”

Don’t let what you do define who you are. Instead, figure out who you are and let that revolutionize what you do.

Question: Who are you?

In the final part of The Gap Series, I want to tackle how your will plays into the existence of the chasm between where you are and where you want to be. We’ve already discussed your heart (passion) and your mind (beliefs).

I had difficulty with the last post on the mind because the content kept bleeding into this one. In fact, I feel so strongly about the need for persistence that I was originally going to title this series “The Persistence Gap.”

Persistence is NOT Hard Work

People often get this wrong. Hard work is only a part of persistence. However, just working hard doesn’t make you persistent.

Persistence is a relentless pursuit (will) of your passion (heart), knowing (mind) that it’s going to be long, difficult work that will test the limits of your character.

Persistence requires a destination or a goal. Hard work just requires exertion. The mere existence of a goal will test your character through challenges and difficulties that require persistence to see it through.

A Little Less Conversation, A Little More Action

Have you ever met people who love meeting for the sake of meeting? It makes them feel productive – even when meetings are one of the least productive activities we can engage in during our day.

People who love meetings make me nervous because they are rarely people of action. Often, they already know what needs to be done and they know what they need to do to contribute to the organization’s success. But the thought of actually doing it paralyzes them.

And this is the Persistence Gap. You can believe that something is going to be challenging work and you can know the Fantasy of Passion is just that – fantasy. But just knowing something is useless without relentless action.

Knowing is Half the Battle

If you ever watched G.I. Joe growing up, you remember they had a goofy little public service announcement at the end of each episode. They always ended each one with the phrase “And knowing is half the battle!”

Doing is the other half.

A lot of people know what needs to be done. It’s the rare few who dig down deep into their character and actually attempt to do it. That, more than anything else, is what separates those who are successful from those who are not.

The First Round Quarterback Problem

I’m a huge football fan. The NFL draft should be a national holiday as far as I’m concerned.

Nearly every year, the most speculation in the draft centers around the quarterback position. The quarterback is the glamor position. They’re generally considered the leader of the team. They get the big contracts and major endorsement deals.

The problem is there is huge risk involved in selecting a quarterback in the first round. Analysts have shown that, at best, you have 50-50 odds of selecting a quarterback with staying potential in the first round. Yet a first-round quarterback will demand a multi-year, multimillion-dollar contract.

Imagine if the highest paid person on your payroll was a first-year college graduate. Now imagine they had a 50-50 chance of working out. Backwards, isn’t it?

So why the failure rate?

Persistence and Character

Every single person who gets drafted by the NFL is talented. Talent isn’t the problem.

Every single person who gets drafted by the NFL knows how to play. Knowledge isn’t the problem.

The problem is character. Persistence is a character trait. No player entering the NFL has ever been tested at the level they’re about to be. That’s great news for those drafted in later rounds because if they have the willingness to go out there and persist while others falter, they’ll surpass players who were considered to be better than them under less trying conditions.

People Give Up Way Too Easily

This thought alone should give hope to people with persistence and character.

Closing The Gap

I want to close with this thought. People often like blog posts that are titled “3 Things To Do Today To Close The Gap.” I’ve specifically avoided doing that because I believe you already know what needs to be done. You don’t need me to tell you. Besides, your action plan will differ from another person’s.

The problem isn’t talent – you have the talent. The problem isn’t knowing – you have the knowledge. Do you have the persistence?

Persistence is a relentless pursuit of your passion, knowing that it’s going to be long, difficult work that will test the limits of your character.

Please take a moment to share your stories of persistence with me below. What challenge(s) did you face? How did it feel to persist through it?

We’re in the middle of a three-part series on closing the gap between where you are and where you want to be. In Part 1 of the series, I wrote on the importance of having heart (or pursuing your passion) and the role it plays in closing that gap. Too many people are doing work they hate and are miserable as a result.

But I also alluded to what I called “The Fantasy of Passion” – which is the ridiculous notion that if you’re doing work you love, you’ll always love it. In this post, I want to take the Fantasy of Passion and replace it with the Reality of Passion in the hopes that by doing so, you’ll be better prepared to appreciate the path you’re on (or will be on soon).

The Fantasy of Passion Defined

Everyday, we are deluged with images and stories of people who seem to have the coolest jobs in the world. And they seem to love every minute of their day. It’s almost like they never really have a bad day. We hear them talk about how they are pursuing their passions and how exciting it is for them.

Consequently, we expect that when we start pursuing our passion we’ll feel that way too. We’ll bounce out of bed an hour before the alarm even though we haven’t slept more than four hours the previous 2 weeks. And the best part? We’ll love it! Things will fall into place just like they did as we daydreamed a better life while sitting in a cubicle.

Laugh. But then be honest with yourself. It’s not really that far off. We’ve been conditioned to believe there is no nirvana like the pursuit of a passion. So much so that we think there could be no hardship with it. Or, at least if it’s hard work, it’ll be work that we love.

The Mind & Faulty Beliefs

When we start believing things like this, we set ourselves up for a hard, painful reality-check. Very few things are more devastating to a person than a shattered belief they held so tightly.

“It is necessary to the happiness of man that he be mentally faithful to himself.” – Thomas Paine

I believe that part of that is a willingness to be honest with ourselves. Otherwise, when our closely held beliefs (fantasies) collide with reality, the recovery can be long and difficult.

Pursuing Your Passion is Just Like Marriage

Have you ever talked to an engaged couple or one that was married a few short weeks ago? It’s enough to make you want to vomit. I was that person once. To this day, I don’t know why someone didn’t knock me unconscious in the middle of one of my “this is going to be great because we’ll do things differently…” speeches.

Don’t worry, there are two takeaways here:

1. People who are happily married for an extended period of time always make marriage sound incredibly wonderful. Because to them, it is. They don’t dwell on the hardships. They don’t complain about their spouse. They do the opposite – they praise them. You know that couple. You call them “Ken and Barbie” or some such thing. Happily married people work very hard at their relationship which means that, on the whole, it’s a great marriage.

This is a lot like those people you see who are pursing their passion and always seem happy. On the whole, they are. But they work their butts off. They have bad days. They want to strangle their partners, employees or clients. However, they keep pushing. They keep fighting. They keep working at it. They make it work because they refuse to let it fall apart. They love the whole of it more than they hate the individual struggles.

And when you look back on a wonderful marriage or a wonderful career path, the crappy days have a way of not being part of the picture.

2. Newlyweds see happily married couples and assume they’ll be just like them – or even better! They stare doughy-eyed at each other and the future and wonder, “What could possibly go wrong?” They want what that happily married couple has, but can’t possibly imagine all of the hardship and work and pain that goes into that beautiful relationship.

Those on the cusp of pursuing a passion are like newlyweds. Interestingly, most marriages and most businesses fail in the first 5 years. This is the period of time where the fantasy meets reality and a choice of what to do has to be made. Do you give up? After all, this isn’t what you signed up for. Right?

Preventing the Fantasy of Passion

Truthfully, you’ll never fully prevent it. We are dreamers and visionaries and optimists. But the key thing is to keep those dreams in healthy perspective. Remind yourself, and those on this path with you, that it’s going to be long, hard, constant work. Mentally prepare for working nights and weekends. Know that there will days, weeks or months where you want to quit.

Be “mentally faithful” to yourself. Don’t lie to yourself.

Question: Have you ever been caught up in the Fantasy of Passion? How did that impact you as you started pursuing that passion?

Every day, I get the privilege to hear from and work with both aspiring and actual entrepreneurs. It’s an honor and I love every minute of it. As a result, I’ve begun to see a pattern in the questions I receive via email or in conversations and I’ve realized something:

There’s a large and often frightening gap between where most people are and where they want to be, but they’re not sure how to close it.

This gap is caused by a breakdown in three distinct areas of your life: heart, mind and will. In this three-part series, I’m going to address each of those three areas to help you close that gap.

Heart – Get Passionate!

Let me just start by saying this: Most of you reading this HATE your job. In my head that sentence had a curse word I’ve edited out. Be honest: you also put one (or two) in when you read it.

Back in January, a study was released stating that only 45% of Americans are “satisfied” with their job. I don’t know about you, but I’m not happy just being “satisfied” with my job. Here’s what satisfied really means: “I don’t really like what I’m doing, but I’m paid too well to put much thought into leaving.”

If you’re content with “satisfied,” you should stop reading my blog.

Being in a job that you hate for an extended period of time will crush your spirit. Often, it will make spotting your passion difficult since “hope” was a word you stopped using many years ago. Heck, you’re just happy to make it to Friday. Trust me. I was there.

You need to dig down into your heart – into the core of your being – and really determine what you’re passionate about. Avoid questions like “If you had a million dollars what you start doing tomorrow?” since they’re complete fantasy. You probably don’t have a million dollars and it’s loaded with the idea that you need a million dollars to even think about changing your career. You don’t.

Try this instead:

“I [place curse word here] HATE my [possible word here] job. I don’t have a million dollars so that question is bull[crap]. Therefore, quitting my current job tomorrow would likely be foolish and irresponsible. However, I’m going to spend about 1/3 of my life working and I really, really, really don’t want to do this any longer than I absolutely have to. I know that I can start making decisions now that will pave the way for me to do something that I will truly LOVE by figuring out what I’m passionate about and doing that in every free moment I have. Over time, I will figure out how to monetize this passion.”

The Fantasy of Passion

Most people believe that if they were doing something they’re passionate about, life would be all roses-and-unicorns-and-cuddly-creatures. It’s not. But we’ll tackle that in the next post.

I would really love to hear your thoughts on passion and career below. Are you doing something you hate as a career? Are you “satisfied” with it? Are you passionate about it? If not, are you making plans to change your career?”

I’ve had the opportunity to talk with a few entrepreneurs lately and something keeps coming up – building a business to sell it. I’ve got nothing against selling a business. I’d love to build something that people want to buy from me for exorbitant amounts of money.

But building a business with the sole purpose of selling it is a great way to ensure that it realistically never happens.

Here’s why: building a business is a long, hard, arduous process that will test your resolve. I was involved in a startup with the goal of selling. I wasn’t in it for passion and it sucked.

So when things got tough (they always get tough), the business fell apart. And it never falls apart pretty – in fact, it’s generally quite ugly.

Small sidebar: the beginning of the end is when one potential investor said, “So basically, what you’re trying to build is a social network for death.” We weren’t, but social networks were still a bit new and a lot of people didn’t get it. What would later become the death knell for our little startup was when friends and family started asking us how “Death.com” was going. There’s a whole different post there on branding for a different day.

The Best Case Scenario?

Let’s say that your business actually succeeds and is doing quite nicely and you want to sell. Remember, you didn’t build a business you were passionate about. So you want to sell. Do you know the statistics of businesses that actually get bought for large payouts? Of course not. Because most businesses don’t. If it succeeds, you’re going to be running a business you’re not passionate about, can’t sell, don’t like, but don’t want to close.

Sound fun? Of course not. Remember that job you hated that paid really well? You know, the one you quit while making a vow to yourself that you would never settle for another job that sucked the life out of you every minute of every day no matter how much you made? Oops. Only this time its much harder to quit.

The Better Path

Want to increase your odds of success? Of course you do.

Then build a business you’re excited about and don’t want to sell. Your life will be much more enjoyable. You’ll still have bad days – lots of them. But you’ll be able to push forward knowing that you’re one of the few people who actually chose to chase your dream rather than settle for someone else’s.

It won’t guarantee wild success. However, neither will building a business to sell. But I can guarantee you’ll have a lot more fun and be more likely to actually see it through to the level of success you want.

Have you ever tried to create a business that you weren’t passionate about? I’d love to hear your “Death.com” experiences below.

Do you want to be successful? I’m not talking about money, though that may result. I’m talking about getting from where you are to where you want to be – starting that business, getting that promotion, landing that new client, creating a new product line, etc.

I believe there are only two skills you need that will make up for any of those you may not have:

1. The Ability to Sell What You Believe In
2. The Ability to Deliver What You Sell

Everything is Sales

The economy runs on selling a product or service for money. Even if you’re a programmer or a customer service rep, you’re in sales. Everything is sales:

• Hiring Managers sell the position to potential employees. You want the best applicants? Sell them on why your company is the best place to work.
• Entrepreneurs sell ideas to potential investors. They hear hundreds, if not thousands, of pitches per year. Tell them why they should care about yours.
• Job Applicants sell themselves to a company. If two people with similar resumes apply for the same job, who gets it? The one who can sell themselves over the other person. I’ve even hired people with less experience just because they convinced me they’d work harder.
• Revolutionaries sell people on why the status quo needs to be shaken up. Every person who’s ever led a movement, first had to convince a lot of people to see things as they did. They sold their vision and ideas.

Bottom line? You’re in sales whether you want to believe it or not. Embrace it. Then learn to sell your ideas, yourself, your business and your dreams.

Deliver on What You Sell

The term “salesman” has taken on a negative connotation. Primarily because so many things or ideas we’ve been sold don’t deliver. We don’t trust salespeople. We think they’re lying. I don’t believe that most salespeople intend to be dishonest. However, I believe most people sell something and then don’t deliver. Delivering takes effort. Delivering takes diligence. Delivering is hard, constant work.

If you can learn to sell what you believe in, then deliver on what you sell – be it an idea, your skill set, your company – you will never be lacking for business or a job. Many people can do one or the other. Only the truly successful learn to do both.

Do you possess these two skills? How do you use them in your pursuit of success?